Social media tips: gratitude, humility, servitude

To some extent, they’re right. But it’s not new to social media. As I’ve said before, social is social, whether it’s online or in “real life.” Human beings have been doting on themselves for as long as we know.

Now, without being too theme parky about this, the antidote here, as in real life, is a focus on the Other. (We’re not talking about Lost here.) The social net by definition does not exist without its parts. We are quite literally dependent on one another, more interconnected than at any time in history, more global than we have ever been. (Although I will say, Lost is one of the first mainstream American shows to see this point, with characters from all over the world.)

Some people get this and some don’t. Again, just like life.

This post was occasioned by a number of recent instances in which I either have been thanked spontaneously or in which I have seen people reaching out in a spirit of joy to do service to others. Malissa Kullberg (Twitter; blog) is one. Without prompting, she offers incredible praise and encouragement to others and, at the same time, jumps in to try to solve problems. (Check out her blog–you’ll see what I mean.) The folks at Software Candy are another–they give to others without expectation of return and are unceasingly constructive. Marlita (Twitter; blog) is still another. Focusing on the world’s biggest and most intractable problems, armed with a computer and her wits, she struggles nonetheless. And she is making a difference. Study Linda Rockwell (Twitter), whose giving seems inexhaustible. Watch Stella Naranjo (Twitter), a rooted New Mexican whom I have yet to see promote herself (and she really deserves it). She patiently retweets and congratulates and encourages, clearly expecting nothing other than the chance to do it. That is cool.

Let me just say: Thank you all. I am honored and grateful. I hope this post serves to put the spotlight back on you where it belongs.

We can all learn lessons from these individuals. These might include:

• When someone has helped you, thank them. (This profound but simple step is often overlooked.) Do it not just out of obligation, but because you mean it. You may have to work to mean it. Expand your capacity for gratitude.
• Honor others’ thanks. This can be very hard to do for people who are modest, and we are trained to be dismissive of praise. And yet, to not honor someone’s compliment is to rob them of validation for something that has been offered positively. Look at it this way: Appreciating thanks means you encourage more of it in general, so you’re really helping others. All you have to do is acknowledge gracefully.
• Reward positive behavior. When you see a good example of someone helping someone else, call attention to it. We’re social animals. We want the feedback. Feedback makes things happen.
• Each day, do at least one thing to help someone else that you didn’t need to do. It’s a habit. Again, practice it. Help make a connection for someone else. Give away some of what you know. Contribute. Be spontaneous about it.
• Stay humble. This isn’t always easy on the internet. And yet, the best people are managing it. Chris Brogan, Guy Kawasaki, Robert Scoble–they take a lot of flak, but they all make a point of being human.
• Become a “Level 5″ leader. Are you familiar with this concept? Basically, “Level 5” leaders are humble, quiet people who make things happen by helping others. There are lots of you here in the social net, though you will with characteristic modesty not step forward. Become a transformational leader. Every one of us has this capacity, even if it is extremely difficult to realize sometimes.

We can be tempted to think life online is dramatically different from “real life.” In truth, though, it’s just a new medium. What is passing between us is exactly what always has, for better and for worse.

So, what can you give today? Whom do you need to thank? Whom can you help not because it will help you but because it is what will bring you happiness? Let us all know in the comments. Thanks for reading.

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